Unbelief

Part of what’s been holding me back is my just inability to really and truly BELIEVE that getting back in covenant with God (as far as my eating is concerned) is even possible.

I mean, y’all. I’ve tried and failed before noon.
{Weeks pass before I can get the courage up again.}

Then I tried again and made it a day – lost it at night after the kids went to bed when my weary soul was coupled with a midnight deadline for my grad class.
{And so I had to lick my wounds for a while before trying… again.}

So, lately, I’ve been able to make it like 5 or 6 days in a row but I always lose my focus, lose my way, lose my ability to even CARE. —By the way, when I say that I “make it for 5 or 6 days” I’m talking about not having a binge. For those of you just joining in… I have a serious binge eating issue. —

But each time it’s because a) I don’t read my Bible and really seek support from Him throughout the whole thing all day long, and b) I don’t really BELIEVE that it can happen again… I don’t really, truly BELIEVE that I can lose 80 pounds again like I did when I first started this whole “adventure”. Even though despite what God showed me yesterday…

believe-294x300 Unbelief

that I just need to BELIEVE because I’ve already seen him do the work! So, what’s the issue? The issue is that I have this unbelief… and I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF IT!

So, I don’t really have an answer per se, but I do I have a prayer-verse for us to get us moving and thinking and praying in the right direction…

Jesus. I’m a mess. A hot mess. A messy mess of a mess. And dang it… You love me. You do. I know it. I feel it. And so it is because I know that you love me that I ask you… help me. Help me overcome my unbelief. Help me overcome it, Jesus. Anyhow… anyway. Help me overcome my unbelief. Oh my wonderful Jesus. How I love you. Amen.”

 

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